My Messy Pantry -- It's on my to-do list.
The day after Labor Day – known in the Hamptons as “Tumbleweed Tuesday” – I sat down at my desk and started knocking out things on my neglected to-do list. We had a very busy summer, starting with a puck’s wedding, sliding immediately into my 60th birthday celebration, and culminating with a blow-out Labor Day weekend where we hosted 15 people for four days.
It was a fun weekend, but as we ushered our last guests out the door that Tumbleweed Tuesday, I turned around to my ransacked house. Beach towels peppered the floors. Dishes perched precariously in the sink. The pool toys floated listlessly. Not to get all biblical and everything, but the place looked like Egypt the day after Moses and the gang left.
No wonder I ignored my to-do list. I had been so busy planning/enjoying my summer, I didn’t get to my mundane chores, like submitting medical bills to the insurance company, folding laundry – or writing this column.
That Tumbleweed Tuesday was one of those perfect September days. Low humidity, not a cloud in the sky, and filled with the promise of a new school year. It was a motivating start to the fall cleanup season, or as I like to call it, “Getting S-Expletive Done.”
Ooh! Did I just invent the new word, “s-expletive”? I love it! It’s a little tawdry. Yet its meaning is clear. Plus, it’s perfect for this family-friendly newspaper.
A writerly dream of mine is to coin a new word. You know, like Shakespeare did in his columns. He was a columnist, right?
Anyway, back to Getting S-Expletive Done. Once the summer ends, I take a hard look at my to-do list. I book all my annual doctor appointments to make sure the peepers, chompers, and hoohaw are in good shape. And I like to give my boobs the big mammogram squeeze of love.
Then I go out for pancakes – because mammogram day is pancake day. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.
I also consider my house’s requirements after three months of summer-mode Tracy. When summer-mode Tracy needs a jar of salsa, a pillow, or a swimsuit, she doesn’t care what condition she leaves the cupboards, linen closet, or dresser. Tidying up after summer-mode Tracy is future Tracy’s problem.
It is now fall, and I am future Tracy. Organizing the cupboards, closets and pantry will go on the list as I Get S-Expletive Done.
Honestly, my pantry has always been a kind of s-expletive show. I’ve never really cleaned it out because it addles my caveman brain. Maybe it’s the thought of emptying everything in order to put it back neatly. Maybe the strong possibility of finding a15-year-old packet of taco mix puts me off. Maybe it’s because Mr. Hockey and I – the only people living and eating here – don’t need an eight-bottle supply of Frank’s Red Hot Wing Sauce.
But it’s autumn and I’m Getting S-Expletive Done. I shall organize the pantry.
Not this week though. I’ve got to write this column and then I’m going to Europe.
But after Europe, future, future Tracy is Getting S-Expletive Done.
Doing a humdrum task isn’t glamorous, just like having your boobs squashed in a vice isn’t glamorous. But sometimes s-expletive needs to get done.
Which is why every fall, even though it’s tedious, I check my voter registration status and make a plan to vote. States and counties are constantly checking their registered voters rolls to keep them up to date. It’s a good idea to check if you’re still on it. After all, we’ve got a big election coming up on November 5th.
In New York, you can check by going online to https://voterlookup.elections.ny.gov, inputting your name and birthdate. It will check your status and tell your voting location.
Residents of Suffolk County who spend their winters elsewhere should especially do this. Every spring, the Board of Elections sends out postcards with our voting details and those cards do not get forwarded to you if you’re wintering elsewhere. They are instead returned to the BOE.
The BOE will then put you on the inactive list. If you show up at the polls and have been deemed inactive, you will only be able to vote via affidavit.
I know this is all very boring but there’s an easy fix for you snowbirds. Call the BOE or send in another voter registration form prior to the registration deadline, October 26.
Then take yourself out for pancakes. You won’t deserve them as much as I do after a mammogram, but rewards might help you Get S-Expletive Done.
Remember that early voting in New York begins on October 26th and ends on November 3rd. Remember also you can request a mail-in ballot or an absentee ballot by October 26th. And those returned ballots must be postmarked by no later than Election Day, November 5th.
For those of you living outside New York – I know my column is read far and wide, just like Shakespeare’s columns were – make sure you put “check registration and make voting plan” on your own to-do list. Out of all the s-expletive we need to do this fall, voting on November 5th is the most important one.
Wow! I’ve finished this column! Maybe I can clean out the pantry before I leave for Europe. And then I’ll have pancakes – except over there, they call them crepes.
Getting S-Expletive Done might be my favorite season.
Published in The East Hampton Press on September 26,2024
Photo by Me!!
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