Miracle Spage-Age Fabrics of the 80s
- Tracy Grathwohl
- May 15
- 4 min read
I fractured my patella in March. I was skiing in Colorado. As I stood up from the chairlift, the top of my kneecap broke away.
Crazy, right? We couldn’t figure out how it happened. One doctor thought my thigh muscles were so strong, they pulled the bone apart. Those millions of squats I’ve done in the past must have given me the quadriceps of 10 men.
But can the quadriceps of 10 men break a bone? If so, are they strong enough to lift a car? Lifting a car would be bad-expletive.
Since it happened at the top of the chairlift, I had to ski down on my broken knee. Doesn’t that make me kind of a bad-expletive?
I wore a brace for six weeks to immobilize my knee. The brace was a splint with plastic and metal sides and four Velcro® straps to secure it on my leg and keep it straight.
Things don’t stay up on me. Tote bags and purses fall off my shoulders. Even when I wear a belt, I’m always hiking up my pants. True to form, the brace constantly slipped. It was a good day if I could get from my car to the post office and back to my car without having to adjust it. I rarely had a good day.
Yes, that was me you saw standing outside the East Hampton post office trying to tourniquet tighten the contraption to my leg.
Still, it was better than a cast. Because of Velcro®, you never saw me outside the East Hampton post office sticking a hanger down my cast to scratch an itch.
Obviously, six weeks with a brace kept me from dancing on tables and swinging from chandeliers. Instead, I spent my downtime researching the history of Velcro®.
Velcro® was invented in the 1940s by Swiss engineer George de Mestral. While strolling in the woods, George noticed that cockle burrs had hundreds of tiny hooks that attached to fabric or animal fur. He spent a decade creating his hook and loop fasteners, got a patent, and by George, Velcro® was created.
You’ll notice I keep using the ® symbol when discussing Velcro® fasteners. It’s because Velcro® is a registered trademark of Velcro® IP Holdings LLC.
Velcro® is a clever portmanteau of the French words velour (velvet) and crochet (hook). And oui, the word portmanteau is also from the French. This column is both informative and bilingual.
Velcro® IP Holdings also holds the trademark for the words “original thinking,” because it was “original thinking” that allowed our friend George to make the inventive leap from burr-on-dog to hook and loop fasteners-on-brace.
Velcro® fasteners are now ubiquitous – they were even used on the moon. These days, we barely give Velcro® a thought.
This wasn’t always true. In 1984, the late-night talk show host, David Letterman, had a “gala tribute to Velcro®, the miracle space-age fabric of the 80s.” Wearing a suit of Velcro® hooks, he jumped onto a wall covered in Velcro® loops, and stuck.
It’s really David Letterman who should own the trademark for “original thinking.” Throughout the 1980s, Dave wore suits covered in Alka Seltzer, sponges, suet, chips, magnets, and marshmallows. There’s a 53-minute-long video of his antics in those suits. It included Dave climbing into a human-sized cereal bowl.
Yes, I watched a 53-minute-long video to “research” this column. Yes, it was a deep dive. Just like Dave did when he wore the Rice Krispie suit.
Since we’re paying homage to miracle space-age fabrics of the 80s, let’s give a shout out to my new Lycra® leggings. Before my injury, I didn’t own leggings. They’re too formfitting.
Yes, I have the quadriceps of ten men, but they are covered by a sub-cutaneous layer of jiggly fat. In the words of Destiny’s Child, “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.”
I typically wear looser clothing, but Lycra® (generic name – spandex) leggings, were the only pants that worked under the brace.
Here are some fun facts about spandex: The word spandex is an anagram for the word expands. These engineers are absolute wordsmiths! Velcro®! Spandex! And here I am trying to coin the word, bad-expletive.
Dupont developed this synthetic fiber during World War II as a substitute for rubber in clothing. Then, after the war, Dupont realized women would be significant consumers going forward, so they did some market research to figure out what women want.
Wait.
Someone asked women what they want?
How lucky! I would’ve asked for the moon. You know, equal rights, equal pay, affordable childcare, and clothes with big pockets.
Sadly, Dupont only wanted to know what women wanted from textiles. The women reported that the old rubber girdles were too hot and constricting. Maybe girdles with spandex would be better.
This was a missed opportunity for our post war women. Unfortunately, they were unable to ask for their own bank accounts, credit cards, or girdles with pockets.
Fast forward, and spandex is now the most used fiber in women’s shapeware and other clothing. It’s even been to the moon. Notably, women have not.
It’s one miniscule step for women, one giant leap for Spanx®.
My knee has healed. I’m bending it again and have been liberated from the brace. I’ll need physical therapy to dance on tables and swing from chandeliers again.
When that happens, it’ll be due in part to the miracle space-age fabrics of the 1980s.
Published in The East Hampton Press on May 15, 2025
Photo by Me!!!
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