I'm a Progressive (Ad)
- Tracy Grathwohl
- Jan 22
- 4 min read
I was watching a movie on Amazon Prime, and a Progressive Insurance ad came on. It was one of the “Dr. Rick” commercials where Dr. Rick tries to stop young homeowners from becoming their parents.
You know the ones. Dr. Rick discourages a young homeowner from talking to people at the gas pump. He convinces a homeowner to throw away crown molding he had been saving in case he might use it someday. Or he tells an excited homeowner, “You don’t get to clean your garbage cans, you have to clean your garbage cans.”
Wait! Did I confuse you? When you read the word “progressive” in the title above, did you think I would talk about politics? Did you think I made a New Year’s resolution to write proper opinion columns?
I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to give the wrong impression. First, I didn’t make any resolutions this year. 2026 already looks difficult enough without also calling for my personal improvement.
My goal here is always to write about something mundane, like commercials, and make it funny. Believe me, my progressive opinions aren’t funny.
But I’ll let you decide: Governments should help people meet their needs economically, politically, socially, and environmentally. Our current administration and Congress aren’t doing that. They’re doing… other things.
See? Not funny. The only political opinions I’d be willing to discuss are Dr. Rick’s, Flo’s, or maybe Jake’s, from State Farm. Obviously, the Geico Gecko wants rights for reptiles.
Let’s just stick with my original plan.
When I saw the ad where Dr. Rick tells a young homeowner, “Tom, when the bathroom door closes, so does the conversation.,” I realized Mr. Hockey and I might be like Tom’s parents.
We also try to speak to each other through the bathroom door! It never works because Mr. Hockey can’t hear a thing. Conversely, he thinks I’m the one who can’t hear.
There’s other evidence too. I butt into strangers’ conversations. We have 24-year-old paint in our basement in case we need to touch up a wall. Mr. Hockey watches the kitchen TV standing up, like he’s a security guard.
Yikes! Mr. Hockey and I are the homeowner’s parents. When our pucks buy their houses, they will become us!
Not that the pucks will be homeowners any time soon. Did you know, according to the National Association of Realtors, the median age of a first-time homebuyer is 40? Are the administration and Congress doing anything about this? No, they’re doing… other things.
Oops! I slipped a little opinion in there!
Anyway, it was a harsh wakeup call to learn my upper-middle-aged demographic was being mocked on national television by an insurance company.
It was also tough to be reminded that streaming services are costly and confusing. My Amazon Prime subscription is expensive yet I’m not paying enough to be ad-free. And somehow, we’re paying for Peacock twice!
I should’ve made a New Year’s resolution to streamline my streaming services. Can Flo help me save money by bundling?
I do think Progressive’s advertising agency got it right. I am the definition of a young homeowner’s parent. Aside from futilely speaking to Mr. Hockey through the bathroom door, I also save empty bread bags for my friend to use to clean up after her dog. I was giving them to her in person, but since she’s moved away, I send them.
In other words, I mail empty used bags to a friend so she can clean up poop. Is this frugal or environmentally friendly? Bottom line, it’s neither.
We recently vacationed in Tokyo, and I saw a man with an untied shoe about to get on an escalator. I wanted to warn him because untied shoelaces on escalators are dangerous – this and black ice are among homeowner’s parents’ greatest fears. Unfortunately, I can’t say “untied shoe” in Japanese.
I could have used Google translate, except I would’ve had to root out my glasses from my purse, find the app on my phone, type in “untied shoe,” which would’ve been auto-corrected or fat-fingered to “united show,” hit delete 11 times, re-type it, get the translation, then finally tell him.
I can only hope he avoided the danger.
If this happened at home, I would’ve cautioned him. See something, say something: it’s the young homeowner’s parents’ motto.
I shouldn’t be surprised that advertisers find us funny. I was the young homeowner once and my parents were hilarious. My mother sent me newspaper clippings about things I “might be interested in.” My father printed his emails to read them. They both complained separately to me that the other was deaf. It didn’t stop them from trying to communicate through the bathroom door.
When did I go from being a young homeowner to a young homeowner’s parent? It seems like only yesterday that we were laughing about my father ending his texts with his initials.
Well, tease all you want Progressive Insurance. But remember, one day you’ll be the young homeowner’s parents. You’ll say clichés like, “It seems like only yesterday….” You’ll call the young woman who held the door for you, “sweetheart.” You’ll take the time to look up the median age of first-time homebuyers.
By then, that age could be 65. Don’t expect help for them, or any of us, if the administration and Congress keep on doing... other things.
Oops! I slipped a little opinion in there again!
Published in The East Hampton Press on January 22, 2026 (With errors)
Photo By Progressive Insurance
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